Hadarya is now 5 1/2 weeks old and I feel like a mom for real. Sometime in the last week, I've turned that corner and no longer feel like I am just babysitting.
It might be that I walked in the 3 Day Breast Cancer Walk over the weekend and Daddy took care of her during the day while I was moving through the streets of the city. I actually began to feel sad for her by the end of day 2 and wanted nothing more than to hold her and sit with her snug to me.
It might be that she has begun to focus and track and therefore is more interactive.
It might be that she has begun eating a ton more and my family noticed that she needed to be fed more before I did and I felt like a terrible mom that I wasn't feeding her enough! Those guilt feelings that her crying in the evening is linked to hunger (even though she does 4 oz every 4 hours) made me feel so much more responsible for her well being.
It might be that I've been getting out more with friends with kids and that makes me feel more like a mom.
It might be that she has calmed down when in my arms after not seeing much of me for a few days.
It might be that she is so frickin adorable I can't begin to describe it to anyone and that photos do not do her justice.
Whatever it is that makes me feel gooey inside when I look at her, smiley when I see her face, giddy when she stretches, and sad when she is gone from me for too long.... I like it.
It means that I am now M O M .
2 comments:
I so love seeing you like this! It chokes me up, as I am so happy for the two of you! You guys have so deserved to be parents, and I'm not sure if I am happier for you guys, or for this little girl, who will be so loved and cared for!
That was really beautiful and honest and so well written. And I want you to know that I understand COMPLETELY how you feel. Just one transition out of so many more in your future and you are so not alone...
Welcome to motherhood!
:)
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